The enticing New Years resolutions… Looks like an appetizing menu for the shiny new year. Yet they have such a bad rep… With good reason, they don’t work out so well. Why is that? The answer is pretty simple, we want to be shiny and new like the new year itself, but we aren’t going to be a different person, are we? We are the same old us, perhaps with even more reasons now to want to be shiny and new. Why can’t this new year just bring us an incredible wave of the unpenetrable energy and confidence we for some reason expect as the year’s dials turn. If this new and pure energy could just rain down on us all to become the intelligent, successful, all-loving, and sexy people we know we can be?! Well, if this hopeful expectation is in your thought field let’s go ahead and look at the reason you want to change all of these things in the first place…
You don’t like yourself much. You don’t like what is going on around you. You don’t have as many accomplishments as you would like under your belt. Maybe you do like yourself, but you would like you a heck of a lot more if you cut a few inches off the waist and made more money. You hear about self-love all the time now but never really stopped to smell those lofty roses. So you say “Hey! Let’s change things this year!” And then you go sliding across the sheen of a new calendar with hopes, dreams and maybe even a new pen to write them all down and maybe a week goes by and BAM! You glance down at your hand and notice you still resemble that person you just tried to leave behind. That person that just won’t get lost to never be found. Why won’t they just leave? You can’t stand their tendencies, the emotions that cause vicious cycles of the same thoughts leading to the same behaviors that cause them to be your enemy. And as it goes reality does eventually set in after enough sworn off relapses pass and you silently maybe even unconsciously give up. Now what? That person you can’t stand is still here and now they are trying to get comfortable again.
So why do we torture ourselves like this every single year? We just want to like ourselves, but here is a secret… Even if you did everything on that list and won the lottery along the way, you still won’t like yourself that much. You might be proud and feel accomplished but that high fades fast. If you successfully abandoned that person that you hate you will find those same insecurities emerging again somewhere new. You can’t just leave the past behind and expect it to disappear, it is never going to go anywhere. You can reason with it though, you can accept it as a part of yourself, and you do need to do that. You wouldn’t leave food that you hate to rot in your fridge, you wouldn’t avoid addressing it because you don’t like it and now it has turned for the worse. You would accept that it is there and address it accordingly so it doesn’t keep stinking up the things that you do enjoy in your fridge.
So if you’re still here you might be thinking… “Really? Is that the hack? A metaphorical comparison to a refrigerator? Self-love? I want a new me and instant results &^$%$#!!!” Well in a way, yes that is the answer I am giving you. But fear not! This is actually good news! You can bypass all those other goals for now and just work on that mother goal, liking yourself more(as you are.) Yes, it is great to want to better yourself and accomplish things, but understand that does come naturally, it comes even MORE naturally when it comes from a place of peace and self-acceptance. Your own disapproval-of-self will always weigh you down, it can inspire you to change but unless you transmute that disapproval into self-acceptance you’re going to be running from something, and you will be running against a tide. You’re probably not going to love yourself overnight, know that it is a lifelong process.
So if you really want to use this new calendar as a springboard to a better you then don’t fill it with a rigorous schedule or restrictions. Just remind yourself every day that you are exactly where you need to be, and if you need some extra help in learning exactly how to like yourself, go get it! Look around, everyone’s approach is different. All you have to do is have an honest willing to see yourself as you are different. We all want people to love themselves, you should want yourself to love you too.